I notice that as I have gotten older, my body has become very vocal.
My bladder and I, especially, carry on nightly discussions. They go something like this:
Bladder: “Wake up, wake up, wake up!”
Me: “What?”
Bladder: “You heard me. Get up. Dangle your feet over the edge of the bed and head for the bathroom.”
Me: “Are you kidding? I just went to the bathroom about three hours ago. You can wait. I’m going back to sleep.”
Bladder: “Right, you may think you are going back to sleep, but I have other plans for you. I’m just gonna exert a little more pressure, and you’ll understand what I mean.”
Me: “Okay, okay. But this is the last time tonight. I stopped drinking water about 5 o’clock, so there is no reason for you to complain.”
Bladder: “We’ll see. Just remember who is in control here. And it’s not you.”
Next is the conversation with Mr. Pain.
Me: Why is my thumb so sore?
Mr. Pain: “I thought you might enjoy a visit from me. Takes your mind off of this awful Netflix movie you are watching.”
Me: “But what did I do to my thumb?”
Mr. Pain: “You helped move furniture today at the church sale. You silly woman. You keep thinking you are in your twenties.”
Me: “It was just a couple of paintings and maybe a chair or two.”
Mr. Pain: “Exactly. When was the last time you moved anything except your phone from one location to the other.”
Me: “Very funny.”
Mr. Pain: “You think that’s humorous. Tomorrow, I’m focusing in on your jaw … a little touch of TMJ to remind you that even though you are old you can still be stressed. Your neck is scheduled for later this week. A little payback for sleeping with three pillows.”
Me: “You are aptly named.”
Teeth: “You didn’t floss, water pick, and brush today. You only brushed, which is why I am giving you a twinge in that back molar.”
Me: “Come on. If I paid any more attention to you, you would probably fall out.”
Teeth: “Listen, I’m going to do that anyway. And all those old fillings and crowns. I’m gonna make sure you get to replace them. Just for fun.”
Me: “Fine by me. I’m going to eat some popcorn. Take that!”
Hmm. I hear my stomach gurgling. It feels gassy. I guess we won’t go there. The conversations continue.